What I Want in a Guy

I love talking about relationships in therapy. 

To have someone who is unbiased and unattached to the situation weighing in with thoughtful comments and reflection questions has been immensely valuable to me throughout all of my relationships. 

Until recently, however, I’d been making a big mistake. In the past, I only jumped to therapy when things got hard. I used it as damage control rather than a preventative measure to ensure I’m getting into a relationship on a healthy and sustainable note. 

I’ve learned my lesson. This time, I am committed to getting ahead of the problems and doing my best to pick the right person from the start.

As part of this endeavor, my therapist asked me to reflect on the qualities I wanted in a partner. Of course, she wasn’t asking me to list out some superficial boxes I wanted to tick. Rather, she was asking me to think about what core traits I am drawn to in potential romantic partners. 

This is what I came up with. 

1. Honesty & integrity: I want to be with someone who holds himself to a high standard of honesty. Someone who would feel his skin crawl if he were ever to lie. Someone who is a man of his word. Someone who puts being truthful above short-term comfort.

2. Passion: I want to be with someone who is in love with life. Someone who wakes up everyday thankful to have been gifted more hours on planet Earth. Someone who fills his time with things and people that energize him.  

3. Growth-oriented: I want to be with someone who has put in the work. Someone who can look back on the person he was 5 years ago and laugh about how much progress he has made. Someone who has made a lifelong commitment to be a better person, partner, and friend. 

4. Optimism: I want to be with someone who radiates good energy. Someone who strives to see the good in most situations. Someone who turns a shitty ordeal into a funny one. Someone who steps outside looking for the bright side. 

5. Health-minded: I want to be with someone who takes care of himself—mentally and physically. Someone who finds joy in activity. Someone who knows how to prioritize fun. Someone who is mindful of his health. 

I love this list.

The thought of finding and co-creating a life with a person who exhibits these qualities is exhilarating. 

And I know it’s possible.

All that’s left is to attract.