Training for a Half Marathon and Getting Over Heartbreak

Five months ago, when my ex-boyfriend and I broke up, I decided to sign up for a half marathon. 

There seemed to be something poetic about working towards two challenging goals in tandem—one of which was physical and one of which was emotional. 

On Sunday, I completed my run. So now, in my post-race haze, I decided to reflect on both journeys. 

The most stark difference between the two challenges is the degree to which I could control either outcome. 

From a young age, I’ve had a “get-it-done-or-bust” mentality. When I set my mind to achieving a goal, I will stop at nothing to crush it. 

That mindset helped me run my race in the time limit I’d set for myself. But emotional goals aren’t so straight-forward. There’s an evasiveness to them that is both frustrating and humbling. I can be in direct control of my athleticism, but with heartbreak, there seemed to be a mysterious force that was acting of its own accord. 

So, slowly, while I held steady on my half marathon training, I learned to cease trying to control my emotional state. 

It’s safe to say that my heartbreak progress was nowhere near as linear as my running progress. 

But I’m doing sooooo much better than I was just a few months ago. And though I’ve had a fairly complicated relationship with my feelings—dipping into periods of meta-feeling judgment—I am also proud of where I am emotionally. 

When we first broke up, my mood swings were tremendous. I would have these screw-you-I’m-better-off-now highs followed by soul-crushing lows. I would feel relieved and free one minute only to be suffocated by the weight of agony and grief the next. 

The biggest difference I notice now is that I’m no longer experiencing those swings. Instead, a quiet, mournful sadness at the loss of something beautiful is steadily present. 

That’s not to say I regret letting him go or wish things had gone a different way. I don’t. As hard as it was, we made the best decision for ourselves and our futures. 

But there was something special in our dynamic that is lost to the world. And I’m okay with being a little sad about that. Anything less would feel like I’m not honoring the energy that we created together.