The #1 Way to Build Confidence in Yourself

I firmly believe that stepping out of your comfort zone is the surest and fastest way to build confidence in yourself. 

When we’re used to existing in the safe confines of our four little walls, we begin to unconsciously tell stories to ourselves about what we can and can’t do. 

These stories can be big ones like…

• I could never travel on my own 

• I wouldn’t survive if I left this relationship  

• I would fail if I tried to make a living by following my passion

Or smaller ones like…

• I can’t do yoga—my body just doesn’t move like that

• I’ll never be a good dancer

• Learning another language is impossible for me
  

When it’s not our own lives and stories we’re talking about, it’s easy to see that none of these things are true. 

But when it comes to us, it feels like it’s “different” (“You can, but I actually can’t”).

That’s, obviously, not the case. As Glennon Doyle says, “we can do hard things.” 

[Side note: steal this mantra from her next time you’re up against something challenging—whether you’re about to give a speech in front of your entire company or are in the midst of a particularly difficult hike.] 

Our brains, however, need proof that we can, in fact, do hard things.

So, let’s fork it over. If you’re looking to build confidence, pick a few things that are just out of your comfort zone and start proving to yourself you can do it. 

Some things to keep in mind:

1. Start small: you don’t need to quit your job and move to the city of your dreams just yet. Confidence-building can come from learning a new skill, pushing yourself to meet new people, etc.

2. Build as you go: as you do more, see more, connect more, your comfort zone will naturally expand. You’ll also probably get comfortable—and maybe even enjoy—being uncomfortable. Eventually, you’ll realize that the things that felt wayyyyy out there at the start of your journey now feel just a little bit closer. 

3. Give yourself props: most people play it safe. If you do just one thing that previously felt scary, you’re way ahead of 99% of the population. Give yourself some credit. 

Looking for ideas? Here are some big and small things that have helped me build confidence over the last year (in no particular order):

• Traveling to Colombia on my own, forcing me to get by in a country where I didn’t speak the language

• Learning to salsa dance

• Trying new activities: dodgeball, softball, flag football

• Taking a public speaking course

• Road-tripping solo across the U.S. and Canada (with my dog, Wally)

• Starting to take Spanish lessons

• Getting over heartbreak 

• Establishing a regular meditation practice 

• Training for a half marathon (ongoingly) 

Anddddd some things I’m still working up the courage/will to do:

• Go back to school to get a degree in the field I’m actually passionate about

• Write a keynote about my experience with disordered eating to pitch to my high school

• Take a non-fiction writing course

Happy Growing!