My 3 Biggest Flaws (That I’m Aware of)

Being flawed is synonymous with being human. 

We all have a long list of character defects that follow us around. Some of us are better at hiding them than others. Some of us have put in the work to mitigate their impacts on our decision-making. 

Either way—we all have disruptive demons lurking in the background.

The work, obviously, isn’t about achieving perfection. It’s about managing our behaviors so that they are working with us, rather than against us. 

As always, step #1 is awareness. As Aristotle succinctly put in, “Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.”

Only once we understand our patterns and tendencies can we dial up the aspects that are helpful and dial down the ones that impede us from achieving our goals. As you’ll see, the three flaws I’ve pinpointed come with both pitfalls and blessings—not losing sight of the benefits of these qualities is equally as important as managing their downsides. 

When I first considered writing this piece, an old fear caused me to pause: “If I put my biggest flaws on display, people will judge me.”  

And that may be true. But, at the end of the day, I don’t write to uphold a certain image. I write to shine a light on the growth journey I’m navigating, and to (hopefully) inspire others to join me. 

That requires honesty—even if it’s ugly. 

So… here goes. 

1. Entitlement 

I’m lucky to have come from a very privileged background. My childhood was filled with a lot more opened doors than closed ones. 

I also grew up watching my mother expertly handle situations to get what she wanted. She knew when to ask, when to push, and when to flatter in a way that almost always led to success. 

So, I adopted a belief that if you work hard enough, try hard enough, you’ll get what you’re after. 

This can be a positive mindset. When you feel in your bones that success is the only option—and you’re willing to do anything to get there—you give yourself the highest chance of achieving that. 

But, to the person that holds that belief, the outcome can be reality-shattering when you don’t get what you want. A “how dare the universe not hand me my dreams on a silver platter” outlook can ensue. 

When my previous relationship didn’t turn out as I’d planned—with a happily ever after, that is—I felt slighted. Lied to by him and let down by the universe. 

Why? Because I felt entitled to get what I wanted. 

2. Boundarylessness 

I love so incredibly, endlessly deeply. 

When I am in love, all I want is to fuse my body and spirit with my partner’s. Their goals become my goals. Their troubles become my troubles. Their interests become my interests.

There’s something sweet about this quality—it allows a connection to build that is only possible with a deep commitment to teamwork and partnership. 

And it can be suffocating for the person I’m with and detrimental to my own desires and general wellness. 

In my experience, I’ve become so blinded by love that recognizing myself as a full and capable ‘other’ became next to impossible. 

So, at times, in both of my serious relationships, I became what my boyfriend needed me to be—colleague, therapist, lover, confidante— and completely neglected what was best for me. 

Stepping in and providing care and patience to the person you love can be healthy and beneficial to both of you. But when it’s done from a headspace where you become blind to your boundaries, it’s also dangerous and can lead to a loss of self. 

3. Impatience

My impatience starts as a pull in the back of my throat that reaches into my core. The pressure builds until I want to explode and scream “Can’t you keep up, you idiot??”

This is my shadow self. The self that forgets my commitment to being an open, non-judgmental, and peaceful presence. 

Sometimes, the extent of the impatience ends there—in stifled irritation. At others, I can lose my temper. 

Like the other flaws on my list, this quality often serves me. It allows me to laser focus on the task at hand and get shit done, quickly and effectively. 

But it can also put others down. A consequence that, unfortunately, often falls on those I love most. 

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Awareness is a great (and necessary) first step. But next comes the question, What the hell do I do with this now?? 

I’m not sure. But putting it in writing, oddly enough, does feel cathartic. 

I’d encourage others to try the same.