Let’s Make Talking About Sex Not Weird

One of my top reads so far this year is Sex Talks: That Will Transform Your Love Life, by sex therapist Vanessa Marin. 

If you’re a normal human being that has questions, qualms, or insecurities regarding your sex life, read this book. 

Prior to getting my hands on this read, I thought I was pretty open and comfortable with all things to do with sex and my sexuality. But digging deeper with the help of Vanessa’s insightful reflection questions and quizzes, I realized that there was a lot going unsaid between my partner and I. 

The truth is that sex is one of those things most of us have been conditioned to be weird about. And, as Vanessa points out, we’re expected to “be good” at it with no education and limited communication. 

And to make matters worse, the meager “education” we do get growing up typically comes from movies or porn — neither of which come anything close to reality. So what little we do “learn” about the topic is misleading (at best) and damaging (at worst) to our relationships and views on sex. 

After following Vanessa for a while on Instagram and witnessing first-hand her willingness to be shamelessly vulnerable, I had a feeling her book would be really real. But the level of honesty and rawness she showed through both her personal stories and those of her clients left me with a sense of ease and resolve that exceeded my expectations.

Literally whatever you’re going through with your partner — mismatched sex drives, lack of connection, dry spells — she addresses in just over 200 pages. 

My key takeaways?

1. Whatever you’re going through in your sex life, it’s normal

2. Passion can (and should) be nurtured 

3. The way each of us fosters connection, intimacy, and pleasure is wildly different

4. We all need to work on communication about sex with our partners if we want fulfilling  sex lives 

And if you think your partner won’t be open to this conversation, she provides specific guidelines for how to do this effectively based on their level of comfort/openness to the subject.

A must, must read (and a must, must follow on Instagram).