I’m Finally Comfortable Being Solo

Last week, as I was vacuuming seemingly endless amounts of dog fur off my living room floor, a realization hit me: at long last, I feel at ease alone. 

For most of my adult life, I’d been coupled up. Between a 5-year partnership, a 2-year relationship, and a 3-month situationship, I’d barely been on my own for longer than a handful of weeks since the age of 20. 

But I’d always thought of myself as independent. Spending time on my own and taking care of myself had never been an issue in the past. In fact, I genuinely enjoyed the alone time that I carved out for myself.  

For that reason, I wasn’t expecting the shock to my system that occurred when I consciously ditched companionship three months ago. Time alone, without the peace of mind of having a boyfriend, became daunting and uncomfortable. 

I’d been in this situation once before, when I was younger and less secure. So, part of me was annoyed at myself for still feeling lost without a man by my side. Hadn’t I outgrown that?

The good thing is that I had learned a valuable lesson the first time around that stuck: distracting myself won’t do anything. I needed to face my fear—being alone and doing nothing—head on. 

Because the last time I was in this spot I had gotten back with my ex before I saw out this whole “being comfortable alone” thing, I had no idea if (1) I’d be able to get there or (2) how long that would take. 

Regardless, I decided to try. And now, a little over 6 months out from my big heartbreak and 3 months out from the situationship I tried to band-aid it with, I finally made it. At long last, I feel at peace with myself and comfortable in my own skin again. 

How did I get there? Well, my hunch is that it was a mix of time and finally making the decision in my mind to completely uncouple from my ex. Months of re-prioritizing myself and cutting off all communication with his friends and family played a huge role, I’m sure, in getting me here. 

Perhaps most importantly, I believe strongly in one other thing: I am much more likely to find someone I will be happy with now that I’m truly happy with myself, by myself. 

Even though my dating hiatus (which, admittedly was only semi-successful) took “time away” from finding my next partner, re-focusing on myself was the best decision I could’ve made for my own wellbeing and (in all likelihood) the wellbeing of my next romantic relationship. 

Happy growing and happy healing! ♡