Alcohol & Disordered Eating

Like many people struggling with—or recovering from—disordered eating, I have a difficult relationship with alcohol. 

It just doesn’t seem like there’s a clear answer to the question “What is the healthiest amount of alcohol for me to consume?” 

Here’s the thing: from a physical standpoint, the answer probably lies somewhere between zero and a few glasses of red wine a week (the “scientific evidence” on this, it seems, flip flops on the reg). But that thinking ignores half the picture. 

The problem is that “health” isn’t about restriction and perfection—in fact, those features take away from our wellbeing, at least in my experience. An important component of being a balanced person is allowing yourself the ability to let go at times and just enjoy your one ride on planet Earth. 

But that’s easier said than done, especially for those of us who have had body image-related ups and downs. 

So I go in and out of dry cycles—taking a few months off here and there in the name of “health.” The problem is, when I get strict with myself in one area, it tends to bleed into others (which, as part of my commitment to intuitive eating, I try very hard not to do).  

Recently, I spent 3 months away from drinking and had planned on continuing the streak. Honestly, I felt good. I welcomed the hangover-free period and it helped improve my fitness performance. 

And, if I’m being fully honest, a break from the mental calorie-counting I do every time I have a drink was really nice. See, in 10 years, I haven’t had a single drink without the “empty calories” messing with my peace while drinking.

But the arrival of summer and the onslaught of socializing (and the many events where drinking is prominent and encouraged) put a wrench in my plans. 

This should be a GOOD thing. Like many people, I love to see and connect with people. I also like to drink—not to get drunk necessarily, but I enjoy the warm buzz of feeling tipsy with friends on a rooftop patio in the summer. It feels fun and light and welcoming, and doing so without regret sounds like a nice place to get to. 

Unfortunately, getting back to drinking brought guilt with it. And the deep reflection as to what exactly the right answer is. 

The hardest part about all this is that, when the objective is unclear, figuring out how to get there is nearly impossible. 

Ultimately, I know I need to find balance. Periods of abstention and free-reign just don’t seem to be working. 

But figuring out how to get to that balanced point where I feel physically and mentally at ease has, so far, proved elusive. 

So, this summer, all I can do is promise that I’ll keep trying. I’ll try to be kinder to myself. I’ll try to have fun. I’ll try to be mindful without being obsessive. 

After all, that’s just about the most we can ask of ourselves.